Today’s post is brought to you courtesy of last night’s melt down …
Things are somewhat tough right now for me, with family health issues & recent bereavements. My limits are being challenged far more easily than usual and I’m being sorely tested to remain an empathic and peaceful parent under difficult circumstances.
Life doesn’t leave out those who are parenting children who suffer with anxiety. We may have adapted our parenting as best we can to buffer our children, but there will come times when other life circumstances make all our best-thought out plans and good intentions look ridiculously unattainable.
Indeed, it is so powerful, it might just bring you and your child closer together than you were before you yelled, or threw a ton of guilt upon them:
It certainly isn’t my idea. It has come from a book. One of the ones I’ll put in the book list at bottom, as I can’t remember which book!
HOW YOU CAN DO IT
… actually walk backwards … retrace your steps … make a funny rewinding noise … and do what you would like to have done. Explain to your child that you did a rewind because:
- you were unhappy with how you had done it;
- you didn’t like how unkind it sounded;
- you didn’t like how you thought it would make them feel;
- you thought about it and it wasn’t really fair or true;
- it was just that you felt overwhelmed or disappointed;
- it was just what you used to hear as a child and it came out of your mouth (as a knee jerk) before you could stop it.
2. WITH PLAIN SINCERETY:
Skip the humorous bit and go to stage 2. Then replay the situation as you’d like to have done it. Some children find it difficult to interpret humour and others find it really useful to lighten the moment and turn an angry situation into a friendly one.
Pam Leo “Connection Parenting”
Alfie Kohn “Unconditional Parenting”
Other posts you might like:
Photography by my friend Cat (pictured).